Don't Try This at Home. Go Out and do it.

Everyday, 27,419 men believe that a waitress has fallen in love with him.  Flirty serving is a billion dollar industry in this country.  Now, no fancy research or survey institute will take up my cause to help verify these figures.  But, anybody with a lonely friend has seen the personification of this issue.

This nation's economy is in the toilet and I am here to protect my fellow man from this practice.  I get it.  It is quite lovely to feel the desire of a woman (real or imagined).  But, with unemployment up and the stock market down, there has to be a better way.

I am calling on the young pathetic men of this country to take back their hearts.  It is time to turn this back into our their favor.  Personally, I have discovered two industries that employ young, attractive women that use their assets to sell their products.  Jewelry and Real Estate.

Jewelry

Every woman loves jewelry.  No secret there.  However, a secret many may not realize is that every female jewelry salesperson loves a man that buys jewelry.  You will be the belle of the ball.  Watch her swoon.  She will spend literally hours on you and nobody else (a definite plus to the restaurant industry). She leans over the counter, giggles at your questions, and will touch your arm (third base to a lonely pathetic man).

The simple angle is the purchase for a mother.  Go to any jewelry store and tell the hottest employee that you plan on purchasing something for your mother.  This move is particularly effective if the word "Awwww" makes you melt (or freeze depending on which metaphor you prefer).  This method allows you to flirt back.  Even if you are horrible at it (which if you need this help, you probably are) she will delightfully oblige.  The key, of course, do not make a purchase.  Mention that you are shopping around (your mother is too special to make a quick decision).

Real Estate

Let's face it.  Realtors are hot.  As a matter of fact, any job that allows you to paste your picture on yard signs is one designed for the smoking.  The first benefit to this strategy over the jewelry move is that even if you are blinded by the gorgeous, you will not spend any money.  You are broke.  You cannot buy a house, no matter how hard you try.  With a real estate agent not only do you spend plenty of one on one time with your hottie, she will drive you around in her car.  Its like having a supermodel chauffeur.  While you may not get the counter lean, the absence of a barrier allows for more arm touching.

Disclaimer:  There is absolutely no chance that a jewelry saleswoman or a real estate agent will sleep with you.  Of course, I know you do not believe me, she just touches your arm and smiled (Do I hear wedding bells?).