Hard Hitting Questions

Most people are scared to ask the tough questions.  Not me.  When I see that America needs to know about an issue, I dig.  Which brings me to this.



Why is he wearing a cowboy hat?

The NEW State of the Union Drinking Game

The State of the Union is tonight.

According to the United States Constitution, the president is supposed to do this.  From Article II, Section 3:

"He shall from time to time give to the Congress information of the state of the union, and recommend to their consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient."

Glossing over the fact that this clause proves that Hillary Clinton can never be president, this became the annual "State of the Union" because, it is what George Washington did.

Most major networks broadcast the speech (Don't worry, its starting at 9 so you won't miss your American Idol).  If you wish to view something else at this time, you're SOL.  But, that does not mean it cannot be fun.

Sure, the State of the Union has become a parade of random applause for no apparent reason but, there is something there for the little man.  You see, each president repeats certain words consisently throughout their speech.  The New York Times provides proof with George Bush's State of the Unions.

We have a new president now.  That means a new drinking game.  In the past, people have taken words like "terror", "freedom", and "victory" and used them to slosh themselves.  You could pick specific Obama words but, I want to give you an alternative.

1.  Take a shot every time Vice President Joe Biden pulls out his Game Boy.

2.  Drink when the camera cuts away to somebody that looks angry.

3.  Drink for the duration of any laughter.

4.  Shotgun a beer when Senator John McCain falls asleep.

5.  Drink whenever he mentions a person, country, or issue that you know nothing about.  This will teach you to learn.

6.  Designate one person to drink only when there is applause.  Make wagers on how many beers this person drinks.  Loser streaks around the house singing the Star Spangled Banner.

7.  If VP Joe stands up and claps when he is not supposed to, last person to touch their nose bongs a beer.

8.  If you personally stand up to applaud, and nobody joins you, drink until the next round of applause.

9.  If you stand up to applaud, and the majority of your friends stand with you, the minority must drink.

10.  If you are a heavyweight and are not sloshed when the speech is over, watch the "postgame" coverage.  Pull out the beer or liqour that you has been in your house or apartment for the longest period of time and pick a side, pro or con.  If you are on the pro side, drink whenever somebody claims that Obama made a "good" speech.  If you are on the con side, drink whenever somebody claims that Obama made a "bad" speech.  If you want to end your night quickly, turn it to Fox News and choose "con" or MSNBC and choose "pro."

Please drink responsibly.

Slippery Slope

Adam Carolla provides us with a lesson on gays in the military.

Not Not the News III

Yes a streetcar.  Is it 1911?

Sure.  Anybody want some ocean front property on Grandfather Mountain?

I really don't get it.  Those blue people have nothing on the smurfs.

Whatever excuse you need for sucking.

Will Ferrell stole my bit.  But, I did cry a little.  I love the Coco.

I probably can't legally comment on this story.  The first sentence sends the wrong message.

I have a crush on John McCain's wife and daughter.  There.  I said it.

Staged? Brett Favre

Clayton is cynical.  He rarely believes what he sees.  Actually, that is not true.  His cynicism is random.  Most of the time he can be duped into anything but, sometimes something catches his eye.

Today...

Brett Favre is a clean 40 year old star quarterback.

With a few exceptions, I do not spend a ton of time on the sport blogs.  This may be addressed by somebody before but, I have not heard any of it.  But, I am sitting here watching the Viking and the Saints play in the NFC Championship.  Aikman and Buck are gushing.  But, they are only following in the foot steps of every other member of the mainstream media.

Which, on its surface, is fine.

There is nothing wrong with the excitement surrounding a 40 year old playing at such a high level.

Except, we cannot forget Mark McGwire.  We cannot forget Roger Clemens.  We cannot forget Barry Bonds.

Each player found a surge late in their career.  Each player found the surge with steroid assistance.  Perhaps this is unfair to Favre.  But, the question has to be asked.  How can he play this game?

What adds to my suspicion are his retirements.  The past two years he disappears at the end of the season.  Could this be so can cycle properly onto steroids without the parental eye of the NFL?  Not to mention, steroids create mood swings.  How often have you seen Brett Favre cry?  Makes me want to investigate Tim Tebow while we are at it.

Obviously, I have no proof to any of this.  My only point?

You have to ask the question.

This is Why They Hot...Snooki

Sometimes, you have to explain yourself.  Sometimes, you have to explain society.  People often question the validity of a celebrity's fame.  This includes, but is not limited to:  reality television stars; family of actual famous people; and digital media stars.  I have taken it upon myself to explain just exactly why these people matter.

Today...

Snooki

Chances are, if you are human, you have watched MTV's Jersey Shore.  Now, most pundits rail against its popularity as some sort of sign that our society is ruined.  Not me.  I know why its popular.  Snooki.

Snooki runs about 5 feet even and wears a D cup bra.

Snooki is literally the greatest entertainment in the world and I wish she was my best friend.  Never a dull moment.  Well, never a dull moment if you edit a week of somebody's life into one hour.

Now, if you have ever seen Snooki, you know that she's about 4'5" and fills out a E cup.  The bottom line is we live in Snooki's world.  We should thank Snooki for the opportunity to breathe.

If you do not believe in the power of Snooki, let me point to one scene from the season finale of Jersey Shore.  In the house hot tub, she lands Mike "the Situation."  Viewers of the show know one thing, it is not easy to land "the Situation."  Now, Americans know it would be best to be on the side of Snooki.

If you have not seen Snooki, let me tell you, she's about three feet tall and wears a GG bra.  Snooki earns $7,500 for each night club appearance.  She does not sing, she is not a host, and is no actor.  She possesses no actual talent.  Yet, she can pack a night club.  What more do we need to know?

Snooki is legend.

Oh.

And you are welcome for getting off the multiple birth kick.

Kitty Report

As previously mentioned, the Panthers are not in the playoffs.  This is what one of their best players has decided to do with his time.



Thanks to Rock Hill Herald's Darin Gantt for the link.