This is Why They Hot...Snooki

Sometimes, you have to explain yourself.  Sometimes, you have to explain society.  People often question the validity of a celebrity's fame.  This includes, but is not limited to:  reality television stars; family of actual famous people; and digital media stars.  I have taken it upon myself to explain just exactly why these people matter.

Today...

Snooki

Chances are, if you are human, you have watched MTV's Jersey Shore.  Now, most pundits rail against its popularity as some sort of sign that our society is ruined.  Not me.  I know why its popular.  Snooki.

Snooki runs about 5 feet even and wears a D cup bra.

Snooki is literally the greatest entertainment in the world and I wish she was my best friend.  Never a dull moment.  Well, never a dull moment if you edit a week of somebody's life into one hour.

Now, if you have ever seen Snooki, you know that she's about 4'5" and fills out a E cup.  The bottom line is we live in Snooki's world.  We should thank Snooki for the opportunity to breathe.

If you do not believe in the power of Snooki, let me point to one scene from the season finale of Jersey Shore.  In the house hot tub, she lands Mike "the Situation."  Viewers of the show know one thing, it is not easy to land "the Situation."  Now, Americans know it would be best to be on the side of Snooki.

If you have not seen Snooki, let me tell you, she's about three feet tall and wears a GG bra.  Snooki earns $7,500 for each night club appearance.  She does not sing, she is not a host, and is no actor.  She possesses no actual talent.  Yet, she can pack a night club.  What more do we need to know?

Snooki is legend.

Oh.

And you are welcome for getting off the multiple birth kick.

This is Why They Hot...Octomom

Sometimes, you have to explain yourself.  Sometimes, you have to explain society.  People often question the validity of a celebrity's fame.  This includes, but is not limited to:  reality television stars; family of actual famous people; and digital media stars.  I have taken it upon myself to explain just exactly why these people matter.

Today...

Octomom.

You may find Octomom attractive.  She has surgerically altered herself to look like Angelina Jolie.  By the overwhelming majority of accounts, Angelina Jolie is hot.  But, she has by ruined, by Octomom.  Every time I see Angelina Jolie I see the absurd.

It is not human.  Call me a hypocrite for my love of Kate Gosselin but, I have yet to see a similar picture of Mrs Gosselin.  In addition to that, I struggle with plastic surgery.  If you think plastic surgery makes a woman hot, hump a manikin.

Somebody wants to hump Octomom.  That is the only explanation for what you are about to see.  It makes me question my sexuality (From The Superficial).

Help.  If this is woman, I want no part of it.

This is Why They Hot...Kate Gosselin

Sometimes, you have to explain yourself.  Sometimes, you have to explain society.  People often question the validity of a celebrity's fame.  This includes, but is not limited to:  reality television stars; family of actual famous people; and digital media stars.  I have taken it upon myself to explain just exactly why these people matter.

Today...

Kate Gosselin.

Mrs. Gosselin rose to fame through her reality television show on the TLC Network, Jon & Kate Plus 8.  A show featuring Mrs. Gosselin, her husband, and their 8 children.  The show is particularly compelling because, the 8 children are comprised of 2 twins and the other 6 are sextuplets.  In case you did not figure it out on your own, sextuplets means she has six babies at...the...same...time.

With that being said, I cannot comprehend why anybody questions the validity of Kate's celebrity.  Six children at the same time.  Think about that.  Did any of you ever spend any time on a farm?  Have any of your pets ever given birth?  What happens to a pig mother that gives birth to multiple piglets?

That's right.  Multiple breasts.

Check out the rack.

Now, I do not expect any of you to be aroused by this picture (though if you are, I am not here to judge).  But, what is more intriguing than a woman's breasts.  Normally, two is a sufficient number to quench our appetite but, who is not interested in a woman that could possibly have six breasts?

Six!

Breasts!

Now, I have no evidence to prove that Kate Gosselin has six breasts (or even just six nipples).  But, you have no proof to the contrary.  So congratutations Kate Gosselin.  As long as you keep us guessing, we'll keep following you.

I'm With Coco

No, not this guy (but, he is awesome).

You know, its nice to see an entertainment story that's actually about entertainment and not other stuff.

The NBC Late Night debacle has proven to be more dramatic than any drama that could replace Jay Leno at 10 PM. First, NBC promises the Tonight Show to Conan O'Brien. Then, Jay Leno decides he wants to stay around so, they give him an hour at 10 PM when they move O'Brien to 11:35 PM. Ratings sink. Leno gets moved back to 11:35 PM for half an hour and O'Brien is expected to play ball after midnight.

First things first. NBC messed up. Their decisions have consistently undermined both hosts' ability to do their jobs. Conan fires back.

It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my “Tonight Show” in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Use whatever acronym you prefer. I am going with Nobody But Conan. Am I basing that off of ratings research, market analysis, or inside information? Nope.

I think Conan is funnier. That's pretty much it. I would like to see Conan O'Brien on television more than Jay Leno. Do you disagree? If you do, congratulations. You're over 40.